Healthy Relationships: E-Mail Breakups & Text-Message Squabbles
An expert weighs in on 3 women's real-life tangles with technology
by Julie D. Andrews
Firing off e-mails is satisfying, allowing you to cross tasks off your to-do list at warp speed. But increasingly, women are turning to the keyboard for more than setting up meetings. Technology makes it easier to bring up thorny topics while avoiding confrontation. And in our busy world, typed-out messages are fast becoming a substitute for the meaningful conversations that keep people connected. So if everyone is doing it, does that make it OK?
Not really. "E-mail and texts have become safe havens for escape artists," says Susan Newman, Ph.D., social psychologist and 13-time author. "You can ignore messages, don't have to answer questions you don't like, and you never have to see how much you've hurt someone. We're missing the valuable lessons in-the-flesh talks can teach us."
By exploring three women's digital dilemmas (we're sure they're not the only ones wrestling with technology!) Newman reveals why in matters of the heart, letting your fingers do the talking often leads to more harm than good. Follow her fail-proof strategies for healthier communication.
TEXTING FRIEND TO FRENEMY
After a friend moved to her town, Erica Taylor, 25, was doing all she could to help her pal get situated, letting her crash at her apartment and landing her an internship. But Erica got miffed when her friend ignored the air mattress set up for her, making the futon (a.k.a. living room couch) her bed instead.
Erica's friendly text (complete with smiley face) requesting the futon mattress be returned to its frame triggered a series of snippy back-and-forth messages. Over the wires, anger escalated until Erica's friend typed that she'd be moving out and axing the internship. The two haven't talked since.
